Short SMS Jokes Two

It has been a long time since I posted something on this blog. I was busy with my other blog and it has earned me some good amount. Though this blog is just for fun. I will continue my work with fun here!!

Sweetest Excuse:
A kid gets 0 in his paper.
Father angrily asks what is this??
The kid replies, Teacher has no star to give me and so, she gave me the whole moon!!!

Two Beggar's Meet:
Two beggar's met. Two software Engineers met. Both asked the same question to each other.
Guess what???
Which platform are you working on???

Newton's Corner:
Newton's wife to Newton: How am I looking?
Newton: tan c/sin c
=(sin / cos c)/ sin c
=sin c/ sin c.cos c
=1/cos c
=SEC C"SEXY".

Brilliant Bean:
Mr.Bean in his bio practical exam.
Examiner: See the bird's leg and tell me what is its name?
Mr.Bean: I don't know.
Examiner:U fail. What is your name???
Mr.Bean: Now you see my legs and tell my name!!!

SMS Facts and Quotes

I am not exactly sure if this is true or not but any I got a message to my mobile that said the following facts:
An F1 car is made up of 80,000 components. If it were arranged 99.9% correctly, there are at least some 80 things to go wrong.
An F1 driver on an average loses 4kg after every race due to prolonged exposure of high gravitational forces and temperatures in one hour.
An F1 car's electrical system consists of nearly 2.5 km of wires.
An F1 steering wheel alone costs around 15,000 Euros which is entirely made up of carbon fibre.

Never allow a girl to talk too much to you,
Else,
later, she will make you talk a lot alone... - Bernard Shaw.

Winning isn't everything,
but wanting to win is. - Vince Lombardi.

Last lines of broken heart to the lover:
Should I forget to wish you every morning or Should I wish to forget you every morning...

I got these two as mokkai(poor joke) of the day.
A guy in a town was taking care of a crow. That crow was very soft it seems. And that guy wanted to keep a name for that crow. So what do u think would that name be????
Answer: "MI CRO SOFT"...

What would you call a person who is leaving India??
Answer: "HINDUSTAN LEVER"....

SMS Jokes Two

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Similarity between Aamir Khan and Students:
Students preparing for the exams and Aamir in the movie "Ghajini", both cannot remember anything after 15 minutes.

Newton's Modified First Law:
"Every book continues to be in the state of rest or covered with dust, unless and until an internal or external exams appear."

Statue Of Liberty:
Why did the Statue of Liberty have to be a woman?
The head had to be hollow to make a restaurant in it!!!

Apple and Banana:
Apple was crying.
Banana: Why are you crying?
Apple: All of them cut and eat me.
Banana: That's much better!!! Everyone remove my dress and then eat me!! I feel puppy shame!!

No Third World War:
Child: God!!! Please I don't want a third world war.
God: So sweet!! You love your country more??
Child: No God. I am weak in History. So I can't study.

SMS Jokes One

A Software Engineer's Letter:
A software engineer wrote to his father in law about his daughter stating.
"YOUR PRODUCT DOES NOT MEET ALL MY REQUIREMENTS".
The father in law smartly replies,
"WARRANTY EXPIRED, MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE".

India And Pakistan:
A man in India sees a dog about to bite a lady. And later, he kills the dog.
Newspaper reports:
"INDIAN CITIZEN SAVES LADY FROM DOG".
Later the man says, I am not an INDIAN.
The report is changed now as,
"FOREIGN HERO SAVES INDIAN LADY FROM DOG".
Finally the man confesses that he is a Pakistani.
Next day the headlines go as,
"TERRORIST ATTACKS A LOCAL DOG".

Guy And His Love:
Guy falls in love and decides to make his mom meet the girl. He takes three girls and introduces each one of them. When they leave he asks his mom whether she could guess who his lover was.
Mom: The Second One?
Surprised at the right guess,
Son: "Great Mom!!! How did you know that??"
Mom: Of the three, I hated her the most!!!

Suppandi Jokes Five

Master: Suppandi, how much did you spend on the groceries today?
Suppandi: I spent Rs.99 and 50 paise.
Master: Why don't you round it off to Rs.100.
Rounding off figures is very convenient.
Then one day-
Master: Suppandi, go and get me a ticket to Mumbai.
Suppandi: Yes Master.
When he came back,
Master: What time does the train leave tomorrow?
Suppandi: 4 p.m.
Then the next day-
Master: Its 4 p.m., and the train to Mumbai hasn't arrived, I think it is late.
A passer by: No sir, the train left at 3:45.
Master: Suppandi, you told me the train is leaving at 4:00 p.m.
Suppandi: The time was 3:45 but I rounded it off to 4p.m.

Suppandi's master was a small time business man. He had told Suppandi to always try to earn a profit.
Master: Suppandi, I am expecting a washing machine from London Stores. Go and give this Rs.50 note to the shopkeeper and get the machine.
On the way back from the store, a man met Suppandi.
Man: How much did you buy that machine for?
Suppandi: Rs.50.
Man: I will give you Rs.90 for it.
Suppandi thought that he was making a profit and sold it and reached home.
Master: Where is the machine? Suppandi: I sold it off on the way for Rs.90, a clear profit of Rs.40.
Master: You fool, that machine was worth Rs.9000. I was paying for it in installments.
Master: Your Fired!!!

Suppandi Jokes Four

One day at lunch.
Master: Suppandi, why have you cooked only one dish, you must always do a little extra than what I tell you to do, more never hurts.
That evening- Master: Suppandi, get me a cup of tea.
A little later-Master: What is this? Why have you got me 4 cups of tea?
Suppandi: You only said, a little extra never hurts.

Master: Suppandi, go and hang these clothes outside to dry.
Suppandi: Why?
Master: Because the heat of the sun will dry the clothes.
A little later-
Master: Suppandi, why are you standing in the hot sun?
Suppandi: I was trying to dry my sweat.

Suppandi's new master was the owner of a departmental store.
Master: Suppandi, before giving the clothes to the customers always open it and check it for defects.
That evening- Customer: One film roll please.
Master: Suppandi, what do you think you are doing? Why have you opened the film roll?
Suppandi: I was checking it for defects, master.

Suppandi Jokes Three

Master: Suppandi, go and get an empty taxi, I have to go to the office right away.
Suppandi: Yes master.
After a while he comes...
Suppandi: Master I could not find a single empty taxi, all of them had atleast one man sitting in them.

One day Suppandi was shouting at a couple of children telling them not to make a noise. His master told him that shouting was a bad habit and one should not shout.
Then one morning-
Master: We have been robbed of everything Suppandi!
Suppandi: I know, I saw the thief last night.
Master: But then why didn't you shout for help?
Suppandi: You only told me that shouting was a bad habit.

Master: Suppandi, I cannot find one of these socks, where have you dumped it?
Suppandi: Here it is master.
Master: If you don't keep things in the proper place, they are bound to get lost.
That evening when the master's son came home from school-
Master: How come your Geography teacher has written a note that you are not studying properly? What did you do?
Son: My teacher asked me where Washington was located, and I didn't know where it was.
Suppandi: You would have been able to find it, had you kept it in the right place!

Suppandi Jokes Two

The next set of Suppandi jokes are out here. Have a nice time reading them!!

Suppandi's master was going out.
Master: Suppandi , keep an eye on the dog.
Suppandi: Yes master, but...
Master: But What?
Suppandi: What do I do with the other eye??

Master: Suppandi,make macaroni for lunch.
Suppandi: Master, the macaroni is becoming bigger and longer.
Master: It is natural Suppandi. Solids expand on heating.
Master: What are you doing now???
Suppandi: Am heating your clothes. Since solids expand on heating, I hope it becomes bigger and fits you.

Suppandi was dialing the phone to his friend.
Master: Suppandi don't talk on the phone for more than 3 minutes.
After about twenty minutes.
Master: Suppandi, I told you not to talk on the phone for so long.
Suppandi: I didn't master. I talked only for three minutes, the rest of the time I have been listening.

Short Jokes Nine

Teacher and Student:
Teacher: There is a frog, ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs 3/kg. Then, what is my age?
Student: 32 yrs.
Teacher: How do you know?
Student: Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

Teacher: What is the definition of a skeleton?
Student: A man gone on diet and has never stopped them!!

Teacher: Which animal is not afraid of the lion?
Student:(thinking for a while)The lioness!!

Teacher: Correct the sentence "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field".
Student: A cow and a bull is grazing in the field.
Teacher: How???
Student: Ladies first!!

Teacher: What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
Student: Married man kisses the misses and a bachelor misses the kisses!!

Teacher: How old is your father?
Student: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible???
Student: He became father only after I was born.

Suppandi Jokes One

I introduce you the well known series of "Suppandi". For those who do not know him, Suppandi is a very foolish servant who keeps doing some funny acts that often leads his master into trouble and hence he gets fired! Enjoy the series from now on!!

Master: Go to the market and get a mirror so that i can see my face and shave!!
Suppandi: Yes master!!
Goes to the market and returns home without a mirror.
Master: Why didn't you get a mirror?
Suppandi: Because in all the mirrors i could see only my face!!

Master: Suppandi, one of my shoes is torn, I'll get another one from the market.
Suppandi: But you still have the other shoe master.
Master: Don't be funny Suppandi, what good is one shoe without the other.Then one day...
Master: Suppandi, here take these two Rs.500 notes and go get 10 tube lights.
Suppandi: Yes master.
Master: Suppandi you are back so soon, where are the tube lights?
Suppandi: When I was going, one of the notes slipped from my hand and fell into the sewer, what good is the other note without the pair? So I threw that also into the sewer.

Master: Suppandi, why have you put the spoiled mangoes in the sink. Put them in the dustbin. That's where all spoiled thing's go.
Suppandi: Yes Master.
Master: After throwing them in the dustbin go and get my son from school.
After some time there were noises and screams for help coming from the kitchen.The Master rushed in.
Master: Suppandi, what do you think you are doing with my son by putting him into the dustbin?
Suppandi: Master, when I had gone to get him, his teacher told me that he was a spoiled brat. You only told me that all spoiled things go in the dustbin.

Short Jokes Eight

Teacher and Student:

A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, please stand up." Right away, a little kid stood up.

Teacher: Why do you think you're stupid?
Student: I don’t,but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!

Smart Reply:
Non Smoker: I hate cigarette.
Smoker: Me too, That is why i am burning it.
(Remember Smoking is injurious to health!! So avoid it!!)

Tiger and Hippo:
Tiger kills cow. A Hippo sees it!!
Tiger asks hippo not to tell that in court.
Hippo refuses!!!
Tiger asks why??
Hippo said: Shakira(Lion) says,"HIPS DON'T LIE".

Funny Differences:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Short Jokes Seven

Boy: I can't marry you!! My family members refused it!!
Girl: Who are they to stop our love?
Boy: My wife and three children!!

A guy bought an auto and painted his wife's name at the back.
Wife reads it and slaps him off!! She divorces him too.
Because below the wife's name it was written "FOR HIRE"!!!

Father: Son do you smoke?
Son: No dad!!
Father: Do you drink?
Son No dad!!
Father: Do you tease girls?
Son: No dad!!
Father: So you don't have any bad habits?
Son: Only one dad. I never tell the truth!!!

Short Story:
In USA a machine was invented to catch the thieves!!
They took it to different countries for test.
In UK,within 30 minutes the machine caught hold of 50 thieves!!
In Spain,within 30 minutes the machine caught hold of 110 thieves!!
In India,within 15 minutes the machine was stolen!!!

Short Jokes Six

A teacher was taking a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked,"My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"
A little boy on the front row said, "You're a Mother."

Two boys were arguing in class when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher asked, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answered, "We found a ten-dollar bill
and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher.
"When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

Funny Replies:
Teacher: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
Student: At the bottom!
Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbor?
Student: Because there's no place to sit down!
Teacher: Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Student: Because there were so many knights!

Jokes Part One!!!

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn't return to Earth.
The first applicant, an engineer was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T."
The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”
The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”
“Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer.
The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.”

A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.
The lawyer says, “For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems.
The doctor says, “It’s better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health.
The mathematician says, “You’re both wrong. It’s best to have both so that when the wife thinks you’re with the mistress and the mistress thinks you’re with your wife, you can do some mathematics.

Murdered has come to a house and there were a man and a women in the bed. He asks women. Murderer: What’s your name?
Women: Elizabeth.
Murderer: Then I won’t kill you cause its name of my mother.
Then he asked her husband” What is your name?”
Husband: My name is Robert, but all friends call me Elizabeth.

Short Jokes Four

Guy 1: Why do you take your wife to night clubs only?
Guy 2: By the time she gets ready no other place is open.

Kid: Why is some of your hair white mom?
Mom: Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me unhappy, one of my hair turns white.
Kid: (Thought for a moment) "Mom, how come all of grandma’s hair is white?”

A man rang labor room of hospital to know about his pregnant wife. By mistake he dialed the number of a cricket stadium.
Man: How's it going?
Reply: Fine, four are already out. The last one was a duck.

A father asks peon regarding the college.
Father: How are the studies in this college? Where do I see my son in future?
Peon: The future is bright. I had also completed my engineering from the same college!!!

Guy 1: What is the difference between "Complete and Finish"?
Guy 2: When you marry a right person you are complete and when you marry the wrong one you are finished!!!

Son: Dad, how much does it cost to get married?
Dad: I never calculated. I am still paying for it!!!

Short Jokes Three

During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him.
She made that Boy to stand and said join these two sentences together.
I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body.
Boy: (thinking for a while) I saw a dead body cycling to school.

Student: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Student: Good, because I didn't do my homework.

Physics Teacher: "Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn't that wonderful?"
Student: "Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at faces like yours, he wouldn't have discovered anything."

Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges
in the other, what would I have?
Student: Big hands.

Guy 1: “How’s your history paper coming?”
Guy 2: “Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research, and it’s been very helpful.
Guy 1: “Really?”
Guy 2: “Yes! I have already located 17 people who sell them!”

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man does not know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in most of the countries, son.

Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water?
Student: "HIJKLMNO"!!
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Student: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

Teacher: What are the people of Turkey called?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: They are called Turks.
Teacher: Now, what r the people of Germany called?
Student: They are called Germs.

Short Jokes Two

Boy: Hey if I climb on this coconut tree, I can see Engineering College Girls.

Girl: Leave both the hands. Then you can see Medical College Girls.

American: We invented cell phones.
Japanese: We invented SIM cards.
Indian: We invented “Missed Call”.

One day a father called his 6 children together and asked, “Now tell me, who has been most obedient during last week and did everything mommy asked?”
Every one together replied, “You, Daddy!”.

A Japanese came to India. He took an auto to go to airport.
On the way a Honda overtakes.
Japanese: Honda made in Japan, very fast.
Next Toyota overtakes.
Japanese: Made in Japan, very fast.
Airport came and Japanese asked how much?
Driver: Rs.8000.
Japanese: Why so expensive?
Driver: Meter made in India, very fast.

A dog was chasing a Guy. The guy was running but was laughing while running.
A man asked why you are laughing?
Guy replied: I put Airtel SIM but Hutch Network is following me.

Archimedes’s love principle: When a heart is partially or fully dipped in the love of a girl or boy, then the loss in studies is equal to the time spent in his or her memories.

Newton’s Fifth Law: Every Boy on Earth is attracted towards a girl with a force directly proportional to the beauty of the girl and inversely proportional to the strength of her brother.

Three people went to heaven. God stood at the gate, told there is only one place and others have to go to hell. So tell me,” what have you been doing all along and I will decide who should go in” said God.
First Person: I am a priest. I spread your message to all the people in the world for peace.

Second Person: I am a doctor. I have saved so many lives on earth.
Third Person: I am an Engineering student. The heaven door opened and all were shocked.
God: Don’t say anything more my child! You were already in a hell for 4 years!!!

Short Jokes One

Teacher And Student

Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?
Student: I get up early!

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Student: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Student: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day same time."

Teacher: Now, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Student: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Student: A Teacher.

Teacher: What is the full form of MATHS?
Student: Mentally Affected Teachers Harassing Students.

Mom And Son

Mother: How was your first day at school?

Son: It was all right except for some man called "Teacher" who kept spoiling all our fun!

Mother: Does your teacher like you?
Son: Like me, she loves me. Look at all those X's on my test paper!

A little boy goes to see a fashion show. When his mom comes to know about this, she becomes very angry...
Mom: Did you see anything there, son that you were not supposed to see?
Son: Yes, I saw dad!

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.